I.S.O. Same
© 1998 Watunes (BMI)
(From Comic Sutra - Live at Luna Park)
S W C P V G L N S N D N A P 35+
J M B G R F likes U S B D O S O I S O same
Sing it with me, now
S W C P V G L N S N D N— (What the hell happened to you?)
Well, I was lonely, yeah, I was lonely and sad
Almost went home with a Moonie, things had gotten so bad
I almost took a nudist Caribbean cruise with Mom and Dad
Called up the Weekly and I placed a personal ad, and it said
S W C P V G L N S N D N A P 35+
J M B G R F likes U S B D O S O I S O same
Well, I felt better the second I got off the line
You know, my dog was rolling over and I took it as a sign
When the Weekly hit the streets I turned to page 129
And there among the ads from all those pathetic losers was mine
It said
S W— It occurs to me that some of you may have stable, loving relationships...
and may therefore skip past the personal ads and go straight to phone sex
So, for those of you unfamiliar with the personals lexicon
S is "Single," W is "White," C is "Clean," P is "Professional"
V G L is "Very Good Looking"
(All right, I lied about the "professional" part)
N S N D N A P is "No Smoking, No Drugs, No Amway Products"
35+ is the number of men on a typical football roster
J is "Jewish," M is "Muslim," JM is "Jack Mormon," though, so you gotta be careful
B G R F is "British Glam Rock Fanatic"
and U S B D O S O is "Using the sound of a blender to drown out a screaming orgasm"
I got responses, I got three hundred fifteen
single, white, professional, very good looking, non-smoking, clean,
Jewish, Muslim, Jack Mormon's with Osterizers into Queen
And one Amway salesperson with a Pasquini machine
And I got 'em all together at Le Cafe Espress
and, well, let me put it to you this way, I though Chernobyl was a mess
You see, we had so much in common, and the more we shared, the less we got along
It was like the U.N. General Assembly, only more stress
And on the way home with Ziggy Stardust, I smashed the dash and I said, "Yes,
you know that dating may not be the ultimate cure for loneliness
Because I've been reading recently that scientists are experiencing some success
with human cloning" —
And I thought....
S W C P V G L N S N D N A P 35+
J M B G R F likes U S B D O S O I S O same
I S O same
I S O... Everybody's just trying to find themselves, I guess....